My Dating Philosophy

Phi·los·o·phy (fĭ-lŏs'ə-fē) n.
A set of ideas or beliefs relating to a particular field or activity; an underlying theory: an original philosophy of advertising...
(as defined by dictionary.com)

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Wisdom of a Mother

My dating philosophy began by the wisdom of my mother. When I was around ten or eleven, my mother taught in a girls' club, Faithful Daughters. God gave my mother and another woman in my church the vision for this club, and the vision was to teach the young women in my church how to be virtuous women. To those who are familiar with the Bible, it should not surprise you that the theme verse(s) for the club was Proverbs 31:10-31.
In this club, my mom and this other woman taught an alternative to dating: courting, which is the traditional dating period before engagement and marriage. During a courtship, a couple "dates" to get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement. Usually courtship is a public affair, done in public and with family approval. I remember when I was homeschooled and having to read the books of Little House on the Prairie and of Laura Ingalls courting Alonzo Wilder. Haha, I really cannot believe I remember that. But in the L.H.o.t.P. books, Laura and Alonzo would usually eat dinner together at the Ingalls' house and then take an after dinner stroll or ride in the wagon. Yeah, I know. My first thoughts when I was ten/eleven was, "Man, mom, you're way old-fashioned! No one does that anymore!" To my dismay (then), she then told me, almost forced me, to promise her that I would never date, and that I would court. As any other boy that age, I was already gagged out so I agreed, all of which because I just wanted her to stop talking about it.

Commitment to an Unintentional Promise

The promise I made to my mom never came up anymore. And, later, I was glad, because I remembered making it, and I had every intention to break it.
I was homeschooled from grades four to six. Keeping my promise was easy during those years because I mostly stayed home, read, played outside in forts, and built castles with LEGOS. As you can see, it would be pretty hard to break the promise when there were no girls around other than my mom and sister. However, that changed when my mom enrolled me in public school for my seventh grade year.
Now that I was in public school, I had plenty of opportunities to date. On one occasion, I even went as far as telling a girl I wanted to go out with her, but she said no. Today, I thank God for that (which you will read why later, providing you finish reading this post). During all of this, my promise I made began reverberating in my mind. It made me sick. I couldn't think of asking a girl out without having the promise pop-up. It was maddening, so I finally gave up and decided that committing to the promise was probably my best bet.
I went through the rest of middle school and through ninth grade, and God showed me a lot about dating at my age:

• Most relationships lasted shortly. It was normal to have dated five or six people in one year.
• The relationships were mostly meaningless. People dated for frivolous reasons.
• The break-ups wrecked havoc on the emotions.
• The relationships got in the way of academics, athletics, etc.; and,
• Young teens held a misunderstood view of dating.

He also showed me 2 Corinthians 6:14: Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?" (KJV). Then, sometime during the following summer, God opened my eyes, pricked my heart, and called me to have a closer relationship with Him. But in a way I would have never guessed.

Renewing a Promise

That summer God asked me to renew my promise that I had made to my mother; however, instead of renewing it with her, He asked that it be renewed with Him. I was like, "Um, I don't know if I want to close the dating door yet...?" But that wasn't all. He wanted me to modify it so that not only would I not date, but that I would give Him all that time I would have given to my girlfriend. I didn't want to make the promise at first, but it weighed on my heart. I felt as if God was really wanting me to come closer to Him, so I did. And God began to open my eyes even further. I decided that I wasn't even going to think about thinking about having a girlfriend until after I had completed school, college, and was living a stable life on a stable foundation. This way, my "girlfriend time" was still God's, and nothing, or no one, would really be in the way of me building my future.

Praying for a Wife

Yeah, I know what you are thinking: "So he goes from not wanting to date to wanting a wife! He's obviously crazy!" Haha, I know, but I am not. God opened my eyes to Ephesians 3:20 through my Sunday School teacher. It says, "Now unto him ("him" meaning God) that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us[.]" God showed me that whatever I ask of Him, and if I am living in Him, He will give it but so much more. So I am now praying for my future wife. Yeah, I know it sounds a little over the top, but if God said He would do that, then He will. I know that God created me for someone, and that He created someone for me. Whoever she is, she will complement me, my personality, my being, just as much as I will complement her. I know that I would love it if my future my had a heart for the lost, for missions. I would love it if she loved God more than she loved me. If she were musically inclined, I would die. I would love for her to be stylish, chic, but original and unique. I know that it seems as if I am creating requirements, but this is the type of wife I would love. I think, at the moment anyway. But God will place the desires in my heart as I continue to pray for my wife. If there are certain qualities about her that I presently would not like, God would change that. There is a reason and a purpose for marriage, and I want to fulfill that purpose that God has in mind. I want to marry the woman of my dreams, but I also want her to be the one God has in mind for me. That is my desire. And because of this desire, I know that God will work out whatever in order for it to happen.

So I have tossed the dating idea for good. Earlier I thanked God for a girl turning me down. The reason for that is, I have never kissed. Okay, I lie. When I was like five there was this girl that lived beside me. We kissed, but it wasn't real. We didn't understand the meaning of kissing. So let me rephrase: I have never truly kissed anyone. I am a virgin. And I am happy about that. I am waiting until the day I get married to the wonderful, amazing woman that God has in mind for me.

Now, I know the question will arise. How will I know who she is without dating? As I am praying for my future wife, I am praying that God would also show me who she is when the time arrives, and that He would also show her me. Then, I suppose, we will have to court like Laura Ingalls and Alonzo Wilder. :)

All in all, I am seeking God's will, and I know that it is His will that will be accomplished. His perfect will, not permissive, mind you. ;]


Again, I apologize for such a lengthy post. Learn now: I am long-winded. :D